Housework, Part III-Picking Up Toys and Having Time Off
By Esther Leisher
What about picking up toys or keeping their rooms clean? I would say, again, that people are more important than things. I very much like to have the house in order--as long as it benefits all of us. If I feel resentful or they feel nagged, then somewhere I lost perspective, or the imagination to find better ways of doing things. Children will help you pick things up when they are small if you make it rhythmical or imaginative. Sing as you pick up toys: "This lives in the little basket. This lives on the shelf." Or "I'm giving the shelf back its toys." Or "The car wants to go to its home." Children love movement and rhythm and imagination.
Concerning cleaning their rooms, you simply do it with them when they are younger. With older children it becomes their choice, their responsibility; it's none of your business. But they sometimes need help. "I think your messy room is making you feel restless. I'll help you put things away". The whole subject of making children keep their rooms clean sets me off; it's a bee in my bonnet. It's a matter of priorities. What do you want to be talking to your children about, cleaning their rooms? Not me. We had a dozen other wonderful things to talk about and they lined up at the stove to talk to me or sat in the kitchen pretending to read until they found some opening. What if all I had had to say to them was "Did you clean your room?"
Also, I don't think children ever need to be told that in a family, everybody has to work. It makes life sound so grim. The work does have to be done and you, as the mother, are not going to be able to do it all alone and remain happy. But why make it heavy? Life is such a wonderful adventure and we get to live it with these amazing beings called children. They certainly have their faults (human beings do), and they seem particularly disinclined to do anything that sounds like work. That's human beings for you. Let's celebrate anyway. We're here and we're together. That in itself is a most remarkable and wonderful happening. And you have enough imagination and good cheer to demonstrate how everyday things can get done without making life grim.
However, you are not going to find living with children pleasant unless you get some breaks. If I were to do it all over again I would add to my half-day off on the weekend two afternoons a week off ON A REGULAR BASIS. I found ways to leave the children somewhere or have someone come in now and then, and it helped enormously, but I couldn't count on it. Trade with somebody. Get a neighborhood teenager to come one day a week after school and stay until 7pm. You cannot be the person you want to be with your children unless you take a breather.
Staying home with children and doing things in a Waldorf way can make you feel really isolated.
It also helps to go to a one- or two-day conference on Waldorf parenting, or have a group of like-minded mothers who meet fairly often. I wish I had had more of that when my children were growing up.
[Editor's Note: If there is a Waldorf school in your area, be sure to get on their mailing list so you can find out about festivals and conferences. Also, if you are not on our mailing list for the spring and fall "Waldorf in the Home" conferences, please send us your name and address via "Contact Rahima and Cynthia," on the right.]
Nikki's Comments on "Getting the Housework Done"
I treat my home with reverence, as I would a church. I smudge with sage regularly--my kids especially enjoy this process--to cleanse the house of bad energy from a person or from arguments that may have gone on in the house. I also use Feng Shui in my home and have seen a great difference in the energy. I use the Waldorf principles for kids rooms for the whole house -- simple, natural, beautiful.
I have a great cleaning book I picked up at the library which has recipes for making your own environmentally safe cleaning products. I have saved a lot of money this way and because the products are safe the kids can help me clean . Also, I have a special apron that I made that helps me get into character. Books I recommend:
Clean House, Clean Planet by Karen Logan
Mrs. Dunwoody's Excellent Instructions for Home Keeping by Miriam Lukken. This is a fun and kooky book; some things are dated or just not necessary, but I loved reading it and got some great ideas from it. Not having a grandma to pass down any tips on homemaking, I found it a good substitute.
The Western Guide to Feng Shui by Terah Kathryn Collins.
These books are not just about cleaning but about Home Making and have been very helpful for me. Colors in the rooms, for instance. The Waldorf approach to classroom colors applies as well at home.
