Waldorf in the Home

Dear Beckie,
One-and-a-half to three years is kind of an awkward time. Here are some of the things that I did when each of my four children was around two years old. Many of them you are already doing, of course.

Water Play
I pulled a kitchen chair up to the sink and let my little ones play with water there. Put a measuring cup (or anything with a handle and a spout), some wooden bowls, large spoons, small cups, or a metal mixing bowl in the other sink. Have a few other things to add in a few minutes to keep the happiness going.
The floor will, of course, be a mess. But you can put a towel under the chair before you start. Young children seem to feel very satisfied with water play in the sink. It's different from the bathtub play.

Another kind of water play is "helping to clean the bathroom sink (or tub)". After they have seen you clean the sink a few times, you give them a wet sponge with some cleanser (without bleach, like Bon Ami) on it and let them try it. Of course they continually want another sprinkle of powder on their sponge. Since you are cleaning nearby, you can give them more powder--or put the powder (or baking soda) in a small plastic bottle with a few small holes in the lid. Then they have their own can of cleanser so they can help you properly. It leaves a mess, of course, but you are in there for only a short time. It doesn't last long enough to do too much damage. In a few minutes you are saying, "Okay, we're done in here. Thank you for helping me."

Sand Play
We had a sandbox in a sheltered place on the south side of the house--warm and out of the wind-- which we used almost all winter (in summer they had so many other things to do outside). It was just a hole in the ground that I dug and filled with sand, with no sides or anything. You could hardly tell a sandbox was there because it blended into the yard. There were wooden bowls, large spoons, small spoons and various cups to play with. Sometimes they played alone, but often I sat nearby in a small beach chair so I was close to the ground. They felt they had companionship, and I had a chance to read. Seashells, little "bowls" or the ones that are almost like small plates, can be stored in the house as a special item they can ask for. I did not put the shells with the odds and ends of sandbox play because I like seashells to remain a beauty and a wonder--to be kept in a special place and to be spoken over, "Look , this one has pink on it." "This one has stripes." "Look how beautiful this is!" A mixing bowl and a trowel are other things that can be brought out for the sandbox on occasion. Changing things always generates interest. Also, I love the little enamel cups from Mexico that are delightful for both sandbox and water play, as well as a half-dozen other things.

Kitchen Cupboards
You already know, of course, that kitchen cupboards and drawers are very appealing to very young children. You put safety latches on some, while others are okay for playing. You can have various-sized spoons, scrapers, wooden spoons, graters, and spatulas in a drawer, and pans, wooden bowls and cookie sheets in a cupboard. You can have a container of small items to put in the muffin tin, such as walnuts, rocks, small wooden animals, or small yarn balls you have wound (with the loose end glued to the ball). Of course, none would be so small that it might causechoking. Some children love giving something to each of the multiple sections. You can say "One for you. Thank you. And one for you. Thank you. And one for you. Thank you."

Other Ideas
Young children need action, movement, and things going on. They don't like you to just sit there, unmoving. They don't want you to sit at the computer, or the piano, or write a letter, or talk on the phone. Invite people over, preferably for some activity--cooking or a craft--whenever possible. Our social system has cut mothers off from the world; you are without a community and were never meant to be. You may be left feeling lonely and frustrated. If you are going to be home all day with a small child, go for a walk and have something interesting to think about while you walk.

Also do things you love to do. Get out a recipe book and start in on something. You will have another bowl and spoon or "knife" so your 2-year-old can "play" along side you. They want to do whatever you are doing. You can put the door to the dishwasher down (it's just the right height for them and easy to clean) and give them a mixing bowl, a large spoon and various real ingredients. They make a mess while you cook. Sometimes what they make (given the appropriate ingredients) does turn out edible and can be baked or cooked. You can brace the open dishwasher door with a stool or some books if you need to.

Cooking
When you cut up vegetables, give them a small cutting board and one of those dull cheese knives. Let them see you cutting down toward the cutting board, not toward your thumb. They do what they see you do.

Laundry
When you do the laundry, you can have a stool in front of the washing machine for them to stand on. Then they can help you put clothes in the washer. They may be old enough to help you sort the clothes-"sort of." They do love tossing things into piles. You don't have to say anything about what they should do. But as you work--whether they are helping or not--you can chant: "White. Dark. Light. Delicate."

Cleaning House
When you clean house, they can help you dust, sweep down cobwebs, and mop the kitchen floor. They enjoy setting the table and helping to put away clean dishes. You slow your motions down at that moment so they can see how you do things.

Of course they may break things when they help you unload the dishwasher or the dish drainer.. But let them try things. It develops coordination and self-confidence, and above all else, it lets them imitate. They need to be allowed to do what you do, to imitate what they see around them. Don't keep them out of the kitchen or the garden or anywhere--except, of course the computer room or the room where someone is watching TV. Those are things you don't want them to do at this age.

Imitation
There are other things you really don't want them to take in and imitate. If your patience totally leaves you or something overwhelming goes wrong, go into the bathroom to express your frustration or despair. Maybe it will be necessary to do some cussing and pounding on the walls, but don't do it in front of your child. You might also make an agreement with your spouse to delay any arguments until after bedtime. When they are older you can go out to the car to do any arguing. Children will feel wounded if it happens in their psychic space.

Other Things To Do
They like you to make a "tent" out of chairs, a sheet and some clothes pins. They can drive their stuffed animals and dolls to their "house" and put them in. (We had a wooden tractor with a trailer, but it could be a pretend car or truck). You may want to show them that their animal friends, or the dolls, like to come to their house. "Emily likes this." Or "Lion likes it in your house but he wants to hide back in the corner under a blanket."

Finger Plays, Songs and Verses
Choose the simpler finger plays, such as "Two Little Rabbits," or "Here's a cup (your fist forms a "cup") and here's a cup (other hand), And here's a pot of tea (the "cup" of your right hand has now become a teapot, thumb sticking out like a spout). Pour a cup for you and (other hand becomes the teapot) pour a cup for me."

Little Songs and Short Verses that celebrate their life: while stroking an imaginary cat, you can make up something like: "Kitty Cat, Kitty Cat, how soft is your fur. Thank you for letting me hear you purr." Or try chanting, with a falling third at the end, "Where Did I Put the Hot Pad?" or "I Can't Find My Snow Boots."

Nursery Rhymes, changed to fit your life: for example: sing to the tune of "The Muffin Man," "Do you know the package man, the package man, the package man. Do you know the package man who drives a big brown truck, oh."

Movement verses or songs: even one or two can really help, such as, "Here is the church, here is the steeple, Open the door and there are the people." You can distract them from a tantrum by appealing to movement. In an emergency start a brief spontaneous story about a little rabbit. The heel of your hand and your fingers hop across the table. Your young child will turn away from whatever awful thing they were doing--or contemplating--to watch what you are doing.

Words and Sounds: at this age they love the sound of words. "Red berry, blue berry, pick me a new berry." Or "How does the cat go? Meow. How does the dog go, Woof, woof." You can play with sounds in the car when they get fussy.

Odds and Ends
For times of despair, have a box of shell pasta they can play with. (Be sure to label it "Play" as it gets pretty dirty, and you don't want to toss it in a pan for supper by mistake.) I also had a box of toys I kept put away; the children could play with them only when I was on the phone, or when I was feeling totally unable to cope.

But this all begins to sound rather desperate. You can't entertain them all day! Take them out to see people at work. Construction work, gardening, the fire engines being washed. Take them to visit various animals--the duck pond, the goat farm, a neighbor's chickens. It will help them play later. And when you're home, keep moving. At best you will have 20-minute periods when they play alone and you can do your own things. If you need time to think about something, put them in the stroller and walk for half an hour. I used to sometimes take a book to read, making occasional conversation between paragraphs.
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When you are ill, have some different things, quiet things, for them to play with, such as books they haven't seen for a while, a box of odds and ends kept in your closet, a stash of cookies and pudding cups for them (a towel helps because they will want to eat on your bed!). When I was ill for a rather long time, I had a little puppet who stayed by my pillow and talked to them and kept them talking when they were hanging round. I felt too ill to tell them a story. The puppet prompted, "Paul's going to tell me if it's snowing again and how the world looks out there." "I want to hear which of the animals liked your party, Laurel, and what they liked best." It gave them some time with me and I didn't have to get up.

Talking with other mothers will always bring up a lot of other ideas. Somehow there is something sacred about thoughtful conversation. Even if you never use any of the ideas, it nurtures your own sense of what you want to do. Motherhood -- so challenging and yet so delightful.

Blessings on your sacred endeavor,
Esther