Nancy Foster answers a question about Barbie Dolls in a "Waldorf home." Excerpted from her book In A Nutshell, available from www.waldorfearlychildhood.org. Please share your thoughts and experiences in the "Comments" section!
Question:
My daughter is persistent in asking me to buy her a Barbie doll; some of her friends have them and she sees them sometimes when we are at the store. She says, "Why can't we just buy one?!" I feel she is so young to have a doll like that, and Barbie is not a role model I want for her. I had one when I was eight or ten, but by then I was able to take care of it, dressing it and arranging its hair. When I see little girls carrying a Barbie doll around, it is usually a mess, hair disarranged, no clothes on... I have been telling her she can have one when she is eight, but this does not satisfy her. What else can I say to her?
Answer from Nancy Foster:
I agree that a Barbie doll is not an appropriate doll for a young child. As you say, young children are not really able to dress and groom them, and the dolls offer a role model of pseudo-sexiness and external glamour that is not particularly nourishing to a little child who is very much in the process of taking in-internalizing through example-what it is to be a human being.
What bothers me the most about Barbie dolls is that they are dishonest, or perhaps deceptive is a better word, in a rather subtle but very basic way. In the first place, although they appear to be "realistic," their propor tions are actually not quite right. More disturbing, though, is the fact that they look soft and curvy, but they feel hard and lifeless. In this sense, they are ugly while being made to appear beautiful.
Your question, however, is what to say to your daughter. This question I must answer in the same way I would answer whether it concerned a Barbie doll, watching TV, staying up late, eating ice cream just before din ner, or anything you feel is not suitable for your child. Unfortunately there is really no way to convince your child not to want something! A young child is developmentally simply unable to use rational thinking to over-come strong will impulses. Your child needs you to provide her boundaries until she is older and can gradually take over this function.
The best thing you can do is to be as sure as you can be that you are acting in your child's best interests. Then be patient, firm, and consistent. Realize that your daughter doesn't have to like the position you are tak ing-that indeed, she can't really be expected to-but that you are being a good parent by making a decision that is healthy for her. This realization will help you to be firm without getting angry.
In the case of the wish for a Barbie doll, it might be worth consid-ering whether providing a more appropriate doll with a variety of doll clothes would be helpful. Perhaps she already has this; but if not, and if you should decide to give her one, you should avoid offering it explicitly as a substitute for Barbie. It is a very good thing for a child to learn to dress and undress a doll; it is an excellent way to develop dexterity and eye-hand coordination. A 5-year-old (or older) child would even benefit from helping to stitch very simple clothes or blankets for a doll, as long as this is done without pressure or expectations on the part of the parent. With a basket of fabric scraps and trim, some children might really enjoy creating all sorts of outfits.
Essentially, though, you will just have to stick to your decision, as you have been doing. Sometimes there doesn't seem to be an easy answer.
--Nancy Foster
