A mother wrote asking about how to encourage her daughter's imaginative play:
I'm a mom of three girls and also run a Waldorf-inspired home daycare.
My own 4-year-old daughter really has a difficult time playing on her own. She will do well when the other children are playing with her, but when they are not here or unavailable, she will not touch our toys. They are all open-ended, natural toys.... I try to set up scenes for her and to play with her nearby so she can imitate me but she does not. She will not even put her baby to sleep or play with blocks on her own. When I try to give her ideas she just tells me that she doesn't like playing on her own and she will sit on the couch and do nothing!
When I was a child I would spend hours upon hours with my little weebles or my dollies and play school, pirates and whatever else. I was an only child so maybe that's it? It's just sooooo frustrating, especially when I've worked very hard to set up a stimulating environment for her.
I'm considering taking waldorf teaching training or lifeways training next summer but would love some ideas if you have them.
Rahima replies:
One of the things I'm hearing in your description is aptly described by Steiner (where escapes me): when you address something directly with a young child, he or she naturally resists or runs the other way. He was referring to trying to teach the child something directly (early academics, today), but the same principle would apply if you're trying to "get her to play."
It sounds like she needs less attention on the matter and more what I call "benign neglect, " which means providing a safe and inviting environment, but then not appearing to be aware of her. In this case, it would probably involve giving up any ideas of how things "should" be for her. In fact, she'll probably stop sitting on the couch and being bored once there's nothing in you to push against.
Another key that will probably make a big difference is a new understanding of how imitation works. The piece we often miss is that the children need to see us doing real work, which will then be expressed, transformed, in their play. So, rather than playing next to or with her, is there real work that you could be doing? Is there anything she could do with you? LifeWays is wonderful about "having life be the curriculum," so could she, in fact, help with baking or with dishes or with folding laundry (again, not as a chore or as a teaching moment, but (remembering that young children are not goal directed), doing it lightly, enjoying being together, perhaps with a song?
Or could you start making something during the time when you and she are home alone? Perhaps start sewing a doll that will in fact be a Christmas present for her (there are wonderful kits for sale). Or making little Christmas presents or embroidering cloth napkins for every child in your program?
If you get out of the picture, she may end up playing on her own--or perhaps she's "played out" and simply needs quiet time? Consider how her day is "breathing," i.e. the balance of activity and quiet time for her. Are she and the other children having a quiet time in the afternoon, or is everything busy all day? Even if children don't nap, a rest time after lunch enables the young child to digest all the impressions from a busy morning.
Those are a couple of things that occurred to me--I'd be interested to hear what you do, and how things change. Also, try taking your question into your sleep: make a mental picture of your daughter as you see and love her, and then give over this situation to her angel, asking for inspiration. Sometimes just doing this can change a puzzling or frustrating situation, and sometimes we'll be blessed with a wonderful new thing to try.
All the best! --Rahima
