Waldorf in the Home

Family Life Study: From "Child-Centered" to "Child-Dominated"

I'm always clipping articles from the popular press that either support the Waldorf approach, or the need for it! Here is some fascinating information! --Rahima

Researchers at the UCLA Center on Everyday Lives of Families have spent the last four years observing 32 ethnically diverse Los Angeles area families in which both parents work outside the home, pay on a mortgage and are raising two or three school-aged children. A team of 21 researchers has completed the four-year data-collection phase by observing (and videotaping) each family continuously for a week, attempting to answer the question of how families are coping.

Celebrating the Glory of Midsummer --from Esther Leisher

One warm Midsummer Day a few of us took our children to the mountains, to a meadow with a willow-lined stream. The children played in the pools and running water until lunch time, when we spread our blankets. In the drowsy quiet after lunch they asked me to tell a story. A year before I would not have been able to tell even the Three Little Pigs, but Waldorf homeschooling requires doing the impossible. I learned to tell stories, and to make stories. That lovely summer day I asked for 10 minutes to make up a story. The title of a story I always meant to read came to mind. I took it as the theme and made my own story, "The NoonDay Witch."

Here is the beginning of my story. I told it from beginning to end while the children drowsed on the blankets. But this time I will let you finish it in your own way. How would you tell this story? How would you end it? Remember that every thing that you love and honor returns to help you when you need it. The Forester will be rescued by those he has honored or helped.

CREATING SPECIAL MOMENTS
Part I, The Dragon/Heater Celebration
from Esther Leisher
Family life, and life in general, is enormously enriched if we remember to create special moments. Those moments can be festivals or holidays that much of the world is celebrating, or they can be unique to your family. Some may be so simple that you hardly know what to call them. Here are some of the ideas I had for the celebration of everyday things--turning on the heater for winter, the first hike of spring, pulling the first carrot out of the garden, celebrating an abundance of sunflowers.

Recipe for a Non-Wheat Cake
From Esther Leisher

At the October Waldorf in the Home conference in Boulder some of you asked for the recipe that I use for making a non-wheat cake. Here it is, based on millet. Double the recipe if you are going to make the winter scene for Celebrating a Winter Birthday.

You can replace 1/2 cup of millet flour with barley flour if you prefer. Using all millet flour, though, makes a remarkably delicious cake. Use goat yogurt if cow's milk bothers your children. Goat butter is also now available. The reason for the yogurt is that when you mix acidic yogurt and alkaline baking soda you get more leavening. It is one more way to make the cake lighter. Whole grains are heavy, inevitably.

Celebrating A Winter Birthday
By Esther Leisher

Here is one of the ways I used the cake I described in Recipe for a Non-Wheat Cake. Mark has a winter birthday and for his ninth birthday I wanted something unusual. The ninth year brings a significant change. Gravity seems to take hold of children inwardly about that time. It is a time to dig in the earth, build a shed, be practical. Children want to know that they are part of the everyday world. A story about how a star came to earth is not okay any longer, nor is anything too sweet or dreamy. On their birthday they want their friends to come for sledding, to play games or have a treasure hunt. Somewhere around nine or ten they get very sensitive about anything they consider "childish."

Creating a Christmas Mood
from Esther Leisher

Mood affects everyone in the family--older children, young children, spouses.
How you feel about Christmas is going to be what they think Christmas is. If you
are frazzled, hurried, cross, they will be, too. If you approach the season with
wonder, something in you changes, and they will know the difference. This inner
wonder will tell you that magic and mystery sound in the long silent darkness of
those nights--you need only listen. Special things can happen at this time of
year, if you are willing. Listen to the magic and the mystery, then let them speak in the rituals and activities of the season.

Santa Claus and Presents
By Esther Leisher

Our family decided we wanted the holiday season to feel more sacred, without the commercialization of Santa Claus and mounds of presents. Because our household was rich in traditions of our own, our children found Christmas totally wonderful even though they got only two presents, and those were not from Santa Claus. Here is what we did with our four children.

The following article is by guest writer Pam Leo, author of Connection Parenting. See, also, Esther Leisher's article Santa and Presents.

The Gift Every Child Really Wants

By Pam Leo
"My favorite part of Christmas is all the fun we have getting ready for Christmas (and the presents)." -Maggie Gray at age 7

Celebrating Winter Solstice
from Esther Leisher

The Sun's return -- what joy! The weak sun of mid-winter draws in its breath, drawing in new life at this time of deepest darkness. To celebrate, you can create a festival for the darkest night with a verse and a song. Make a Sun Cake and light a fire or a candle to rejoice in the return of the Light. Then the following morning greet the day with joy. Snow and cold may reign yet a while, but the Light becomes stronger every day.

Mid-Winter Thoughts
from Esther Leisher

Cultivating a spiritual approach to the solstices will be different for each person, but for me it comes from living with the soul of the Earth. Her upwelling joy and life in spring, the warmth and light of summer, the mellow, contemplative quality of autumn and the deep inwardness of the darkness of winter. Experiencing the dawns, the sunsets and the seasons with the Earth throughout the year is something that all of us do to some extent, consciously or unconsciously. Making it conscious adds to the joy. Whatever thoughts and activities you choose, bring your natural reverence to full strength. A brief meditation (3 minutes?) on one of the verses or songs you want to use would be a place to begin. Or go out and speak to the Sun or the Earth. Then you can plan the outer forms.

Barbie and Violence
by Rahima Baldwin Dancy
We’ve had a lot of response from readers to our articles “Barbie Come Home, All is Forgiven!” and “Barbie Dolls.” Here’s more, on a study describing children’s destructive behavior toward Barbie dolls.

The source for this information is an article in the British press called “Barbarism begins with Barbie, the doll children love to hate” by Alexandra Frea, Social Affairs Correspondent for The Times (12/19/2005).

I recently received the newsletter from the Milwaukee LifeWays Early Childhood Center and was so impressed with the articles written by their caregivers that I asked permission to share them with you. One of the topics we consider in the LifeWays Training is "The Three R's of Early Childhood: Rhythm, Repetition and Reverence. " This article takes up the topic of rhythms and routines. --Cynthia Aldinger

Thoughts on Rhythms and Routines
from Jaimmie Marx
Caregiver at the Milwaukee LifeWays Early Childhood Center

Earlier this month, I had the opportunity to participate in my first parent evening at LifeWays. The evening was a great success and I learned a lot from my research, my peers and the parents in attendance. I spoke about the importance of strong daily rhythms in the life of a young child and would like to share some of these ideas with you.

I recently received the newsletter from the Milwaukee LifeWays Early Childhood Center and was so impressed with the articles written by their caregivers that I asked permission to share them with you. One of the topics we consider in the LifeWays training is "Three R's of Early Childhood: Rhythm, Repetition and Reverence." This article takes up the topic of reverence. Articles surrounding it deal with rhythm and repetition. --Cynthia

Thoughts on Reverence
By Belinda Kenwood
Caregiver at Milwaukee LifeWays Early Childhood Center, who shared these thoughts at a parent evening

The First Hike of Spring
by Esther Leisher

Some celebrations can be so fun and so simple -- not much more than the highlighting of a special day. One of the simplest at our house was celebrating the first hike of spring. All we did was to make a hobo bag for each of us, then go off on the first hike of spring, celebrating Nature’s awakening, and delighting in the increasing light and warmth. We used bandanas (but you could use large cloth napkins) to wrap our lunch in and knotted each onto a dead branch or old sunflower stalk sanded where you hold it. These were our hobo sticks, which each person carried over their shoulder. I carried the extras -- water bottles or whatever -- in a backpack.

The Creativity Spiral
by Terra Raphael

[I'm including this article as the first in a new category that doesn't even exist yet: Self-Care. It's written by Terra Raphael, a poet, wordsmith, healer, former midwife and old friend of mine--we wrote Pregnant Feeilngs together. I feel renaming the menstrual cycle the "Creativity Spiral," as she suggests, is especially vital now because the FDA has recently approved more drugs specifically to give women the choice to delay or eliminate menstrual bleeding altogether. Think of how different our society would be if young women were brought up in active relationship to their creativity and fertility cyles instead! To connect with more of Terra's work, see her website at www.wisewomanhood.com or subscribe to her newsletter by contacting Terra at resourcing@earthlink,net. --Rahima]

SUNFLOWER CELEBRATION by Esther Leisher

[Esther Leisher is a frequent contributor to this site, who will also be presenting a workshop called "Create Your Own Family Celebrations" at the Whole Parent, Whole Family conference in Boulder in October, 2006. Here she shares a spontaneous summer festival from when her children were young.]

Imagine a dry, rocky land with few wildflowers, and those few so precious. Then imagine a year of abundant rain, flowers everywhere, and in an open space, nature’s own forest of sunflowers. Late one afternoon--a dreary time when nothing ever seems quite right--though I felt too tired to do anything and supper was not yet started, on the spur of the moment I decided we should celebrate sunflowers. Paul, 1½ , had just become confident in his walking. Laurel was four. Off we went down the road to the sunflower place. I took a small pair of scissors in hopes that the Sunflower Spirit would give us some flowers for our hair.

Healing our Children with Attentional, Emotional and Learning Challenges by Susan R. Johnson MD, Raphael House, No. 30, 8/9/2006

[Note: Susan is a frequent presenter at our conferences and will be sharing in September, 2006 on "Treating Allergies--What I Have Learned So Far."]

There is an epidemic in our society. More and more children are being assigned to more and more labels. Labels such as Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD), Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), receptive and/or expressive language disorders, learning disabilities that include visual and/or auditory processing disorders, and the autistic spectrum disorders like Pervasive Developmental Delay (PDD), Aspergers Syndrome and Autism, to name only a few. What is happening to our children? What do these labels really mean?

Birthday Poems
by David Darcy

[Note: David Darcy is one of the keynote speakers at the Sept. 2006 "Waldorf in the Home" conference. This article was taken from his website, www.ddarcysview.blogstream.com.]

When I was learning to be a Waldorf teacher, I was taught that I should write a short poem for each student as a gift on his or her birthday. Each student would then be assigned a day of the week, and each week on their day they would speak their poem for the class.

Forgiving the Judge
by Penni Sparks
[Note: Penni will be offering pre-conference workshops in both California and Colorado. This article was reprinted from her summer newsletter, which can be requested from info@pennisparks.com

I find myself doing it constantly. I often don't realize that I'm doing it until I'm embroiled in it. Then I get hooked into thinking it's the right, 'grown-up' thing to do, and I can usually find plenty of evidence and good reasons for doing it.

Living Passages for the Whole Family
Book by Shea Darian

Shea's book on celebrating rites of passage from birth to adulthood has grown out of her more than two decades of intentional parenting. Many of you know Shea from our conferences and her other books, including Seven Times the Sun.

The book contains descriptions of over 20 rites of passage ceremonies and over 30 songs to honor life transitions--and it will encourage you to create your own!

Rahima wrote for the book's cover:

"What an encouraging and empowering book! Shea has shared her family's rich journey raising children from infancy to adulthood in a way that will inspire anyone with children to take the 'next step' in creating meaningful celebrations and ceremonies to mark life's transitions. No longer having children at home, I was inspired by Living Passages to create a ceremony to mark a huge transition for a colleague at work. What a gift!" --Rahima Baldwin Dancy, Parenting Educator and Author of You Are Your Child's First Teacher

"I am very confused how to discipline my 4 year old, especially with sharing! Im trying not to intellectualize everything, like I used to, but I don't really know how to do this!
Is taking the toy away a good option, or giving choices?? On another note, Is sending him to his room a good way to solve some issues...???
I am really needing advice as I don't know what to do about this.
Any advice would be much valued.
Thanks, Kira"

Dear Kira,
"Discipline" doesn't mean punishment. In fact, it comes from the same root as "disciple,"--you want your child to follow you (through love and devotion), into right action. So in general, I'd say taking the toy away expresses your own frustration, and giving choices doesn't teach the basics of sharing. One aspect of modelling is to state the positive--something like, "We need to take turns." Or, "After Billy puts the toy down, you'll get a turn."

With four-year-olds you can use words that are grounded in practicality--something that will reassure the child that you understand his eagerness and frustration and that "taking turns" works both ways. Part of our job as parents/adults is to teach the social graces--so if we don't expect that he or she "should" already know it, and if we don't think that they have a character flaw if they don't, then we'll be able to model "right action" without our own anger and frustration coming to the fore. "We share with one another" is one of those values or ideals that are givens in life, like going to bed when it's bedtime.

How we do it is the trickey part--and the art. Depending on the age of the child, creative distraction might be useful--start doing something more interesting with something else. Or engage the child in a finger play while he is waiting. Tell an impromptu story about two little ducks who wanted to get in he boat at the same time--how they were pushing and shoving, until it tipped over and Mother Duck and all of them laughed and splashed together as they made up a new game of "fall in the water,"

Children have such strong imitative impulses that it's normal for them to want what another child has--that's not something they should be sent to their room for! No one ever learned anything through punishment. Learning to wait, to take turns, to work out ways to do something together are all high level social skills that take time to
incorporate into our bag of resources. I don't recommend "time outs" as a punishment, although sometimes they're good advice for the parent, who needs to re-collect her composure and patience! Similarly, if a child is so "out of himself" that he's hitting and screaming, it can be all right to leave the space with the child until they're ready to try
again. So it's not a punishment (exclusion with a set time), but staying with the child until they've recovered their composure and ability to negotiate life the waters in a more harmonious way.

This is a big topic, and several other workshop presenters offer insights on it as well. We have great CDs available by Penni Sparks, Claudia McLaren Lainson, Regna Mason, John Cunningham, and others on authority and discipline. We have an important job as parents and care givers, but it involves rethinking authority and discipline so they are example and guidance, not punishment.--Rahima

At one of our recent conferences, Tim Burns made the startling analogy that by age five, children watch as much television as it takes to get a four-year college degree. So it's as if we're giving our children a degree in television watching!

Now a study reported in a 2007 issue of Pediatrics found that those children who watched more television when they were 5 and 7 were more likely to show signs of difficulty paying attention at ages 13 and 15. This long-term study followed 1037 children and used assessments from parents, teachers and the youths themselves. It compared reports of attention difficulties in adolescence to the time parents said their children watched TV at ages 5, 7, 9 and 11. In addition, psychologists independently rated each child's attention span and ability to concentrate at ages 3 and 5.

Even after accounting for factors such as gender, cognitive ability, and socioeconomic status, the researchers in New Zealand found that those children who watched more than three hours per day between the ages of 5 and 11 had more symptoms of attention problems as teens than those who watched two hours or less.
--Reported in the Daily Camera, 9/25/07 from an article by Sandra G. Boodman of The Washington Post.

In Memory of...
Mary Thienes Schunemann
"Naturally You Can Sing"
October 7, 1960 - August 30, 2007

On the 30th of August 2007, Mary Thienes Schunemann passed the threshold. Many of you know Mary through her music books and accompanying CDs that have helped so many parents discover the joy of singing with and for their children. If you don't know Mary's work, we highly recommend it and have always offered it at our conferences.

For more information please visit her website: www.naturallyyoucansing.com. There you can listen to her last recorded work "I Still Have Joy," which she recorded during Labor Day weekend, and write your stories and recollections of Mary in the Journal.

Her husband, Sven, writes:
Mary explored in her vocal work a spectrum of soul rarely encountered in contemporary culture. Her commitment to healing the human soul through music led her to teach singing to those of all ages - from the very young to parents, teachers and musicians in many contexts.

Mary's humor and lightness of touch penetrated her teaching and led those with whom she taught and sang to a deeper understanding and use of one of our most intimate human instruments - the Voice. She rejoiced in pure music and encouraged all to Sing, yet not only to Sing, but to unlock this sacred gift of Voice in our lives and our world.

Mary was also a taskmaster of sorts, working toward the highest standards for herself and those fortunate enough to work with her, always pushing toward heights that without Mary's touch may well have been unattainable. Through Mary's remarkable work it often seems that the heavens are opened and our consciousness bathed in Divine Light and Love.

Mary lived to influence these times and was deeply appreciated for her gifts of creativity, joy, and unconditional dedication to Singing.

Mary, singer of the heavenly spheres, rest in joy-filled peace.

Mary Lived from the 7th of October 1960 to the 30th of August 2007

THE LEAKY GUT SYNDROME: Allergies, Autoimmune Diseases, and Autistic Spectrum Disorders
By Susan R. Johnson, M.D., FAAP
A Healing Place For Children, 54 West Grass Valley St., Colfax, CA 95713
(916) 638-8758 www.YouAndYourChildsHealth.org

I have learned a great deal from the Naturopathic and Osteopathic students who have visited my clinic. They have taught me most of what I know about the Leaky Gut Syndrome. In this syndrome, the lining of the colon and small intestine becomes inflamed and allows partially digested proteins to be absorbed into the body. The immune system reacts to these foreign proteins triggering allergy symptoms, autoimmune diseases, speech delays, and behavioral abnormalities.

Initiation and Ritual for Young Adults:
"Surfing the Creative" summer camp with Melissa Michaels and staff

I strongly recommend Melissa Michael's two-week summer program for young people aged 16-18. It will take place June 22 to July 6, 2008 at a retreat center near Boulder, Colorado. Melissa's leading-edge work brings together practitioners and young people from all over the world to accompany youth in the transition into adulthood through embodiment practices and contemporary ritual adapted for young people today. To learn more, see www.goldenbridge.org. I've been privileged to be studying with Melissa for the past several years and continue to be impressed with all that she's doing.--Rahima

A mother inquired:
Hi, we have a Waldorf co-op and have been faced with some differing views regarding colds, sickness and when to bring and not bring your children. Do you have any waldorf guidelines for colds and sickness to protect or children or philosophies around protecting them I could share with the group?
We have a few of us that feel it is very important to keep our children home to heal when they are sick, keep them bundled and conserve there energy. There are the others who feel like it's important to build the immune system by being sick and feel very comfortable bringing their sick kids to co-op. Any thoughts? We could really use some waldorf mama help! Blessings -JH
ps. Love the Homemaking 101 video you recommended!